Disability and Dating

When it comes to dating, whether you’re disabled or not it can bring with it the same worries, doubts, fears, and hopes! Will I like them? Will they like me? What if we’ve nothing in common?

Being disabled can bring its own unique challenges though. Unfortunately, we live in an ableist world and people have a lot of outdated misconceptions about disability. So let’s look at some things you can do to make dating less of a terrifying idea!

To share or not to share?

This answer won’t be the same for everyone. If you have a visible disability such as being a wheelchair user your date might already know about it. If you have an invisible disability then they might not. You might be wondering if you’re using a dating site, should you show pictures of your mobility aid? Should you share about your disability in your bio?

Being disabled isn’t some big dirty secret. It doesn’t make you less than either. It’s a part of who you are. No different than all the other things that make you who you are. Whether that’s your nationality or if you’re a parent for example. Sharing up front does have its advantages though, as it potentially separates the ableists from the decent humans who know disability isn't a negative, from the offset.

That doesn’t mean you have to share everything though, maybe just sharing you’re disabled is enough. We wouldn’t expect our date to tell us the details of all of their last doctor's visits so neither should you feel obligated to share every detail of your medical life either!

The joy of getting to know someone is sharing our stories and sharing parts of ourselves when we feel comfortable to do so. There’s no better feeling than being vulnerable with someone and them showing support and understanding in return.

Location Location Location!

Finding an accessible, comfortable location for your date is going to ease so many of your worries. Make sure you’re going somewhere you can get into with safety, comfort, and dignity. Make sure there’s an accessible toilet if you need one. That you’re not going somewhere that will be too noisy or bright or cause you sensory overwhelm. This is where we have you covered! Check out Sociability app, or even send it to your date when you are planning where to meet up!

Your access needs aren’t extraordinary or asking too much, everyone has access needs. Your date whether disabled or not is likely to also want a toilet if you’re going out for drinks, if they're not disabled then they won’t even have to think about that as it’s generally a given that there will be a bathroom there. Non-disabled people's access needs get met on the whole automatically so they’re not even considered as access needs as such.

So whether finding a place for your date yourself or telling your access needs to your date so they can find somewhere for you, remember you’re not asking too much. Everything you need should already be a given but unfortunately, it’s not.

It’s all about confidence, baby!

Your disability is not a flaw. I’m going to keep repeating that to you over and over. Yes, we know that some people wouldn’t date a disabled person. It’s prejudice and why would you want to date someone who held those sorts of views anyway?

There are millions of disabled people in happy relationships so we know not everyone has those views about disability.

So don’t enter your date carrying those same views yourself! Your disability is not a flaw and you are not a burden. I’m sure your disability brings with it challenges but every single life has challenges.

You are a prize. Your disability doesn’t make you less than. Your disability is not a flaw.

Dating Apps!

These have come a long way since my dating days when you were told to beware of people on them.

We’ve also seen disability dating apps and websites popping up more. These can be great because even if you don’t share the same disability as someone else there’s often an automatic understanding of ableism and the similar ways (no matter your disability) that you can be treated.

Dating apps for disabled and non-disabled people are also a great place to meet someone. As mentioned earlier, it can be a way to mention your disability upfront in the nonchalant, neutral way it should be.

Final thoughts

Finally, as we round up, I just wanted to reiterate that your disability is not a flaw. I mean let’s be realists; there’s a high chance that someone is going to imply or behave like it is during your dating journey. Of course, that’s going to hurt, but it’s not on you. It’s not because of you. It’s ableism and it sucks but it truly is their loss.

You deserve to be loved and respected; not despite your disability, but because it is a part of you and all of you deserves to be loved. Every single person deserves love and companionship. Your disability doesn’t make that any less true.

So get out there and be your fabulous disabled self!